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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

this is it ♥

dear diary,

I found out about his death in the most bizarre way - it was seconds after i finished my first show in berlin during my tour. I was catching up on my breath, all sweaty and excited. My friend came running and shouted at the top of his lungs 'Michael Jackson died!', and i thought he meant the show was SO good that MJ died so i laughed and said thanks. And then, it wasn't funny.

I didn't cry and haven't really been hit by his absence until today when i saw the documentary. Like most of my peers, i grew up to his music and know every 'woo' and 'hee hee's in his songs. I guess a lot of people think he's a freak, and unlike most people, he is genuine and i feel that i understand where he's coming from. He chose the life he lived, and people see that wanting to be legendary as a selfish thing. When in fact, it's truly selfless. It's not always about the money and fame, you know. Michael could've lead a completely different life but had he done so, we would've not been able to enjoy his music, his vision, his greatness. Sadly, in doing so it seemed as tho he didn't find the happiness other people enjoy like a happy childhood and a happy marriage. I find it scary that amazing people like Oprah, Madonna and MJ seem to have that similarity and i wonder why.

I wonder what thoughts he had at night before he goes to sleep; what bothered him and what kept him happy. I wonder if he kept a diary like I do. I wonder why he still felt insecure when he is who he is. But maybe, it is because of all this pressure that he's had to live with that makes him second to none. Most of all, i love that even at 50 he's still a kid at heart. So, yup, I went to the cinema all excited to watch him in action and was prepared to be inspired - but when i left, it was with great sadness and a heavy heart.\\

In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tribulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I'll Never Let You Part
For You're Always In My Heart.


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