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(Dec.22.2009)

Monday, October 20, 2008

my privacy for sale

dear diary,

i am beginning to become paranoid to even think what i think. the past one week has taught me > a) that i am in fact, not invincible, and b) it is dangerous to keep a diary (or diaries, in my case). i keep different sorts of diaries and they all serve different purposes. i cannot live without any of them because i have to write my thoughts, daily, get them all out on paper or in typing. this includes the very diary i am writing on right now. i think i express myself better with written words than i ever can through speech. verbally, my words hardly ever come out the way i intend them to. i dont really understand it myself. so now that i feel like i have been stripped off the privacy of having these things, i may as well have been implanted some sort of chip so everybody is aware of my thoughts the moment they cross my mind. why the hell not, fuckers? ill give you a good 20 years to figure the brainchip out; because by then i should have enough money to buy you, ur family AND ur stupid technology. its too bad i dont care much about technology, im proud to say my mobile phone doesnt even know what the flying f bluetooth is. in short, i have just been given a good slap into reality and it was pretty painful. see the problem is i dream a lot. and i am aware that i have a little reality phobia. rephrase that : HUGE reality phobia. hmm. anyway, ruben and i continued working on a new track today and it was an extremely stressful day in the studio. which also would mean me and my extra bitchiness. i had so much on my mind, or someone, and it def affected the lyrics i wrote as well. no matter how much i learn how to throw my emotions out the door, it just does not work when i really needed it to. or maybe it's just autumn kicking its way in.

xx

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