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(Dec.22.2009)

Monday, August 18, 2008

losing control

dear diary,

i discovered something this past weekend. something that probably means nothing to other people but i took one of those thrill rides at the fair during v festival and decided that for once i should try to just let go and enjoy the ride. i've always been such a control freak - something important about myself that i 'discovered' while i was in byron - that even while i'm on these rides i try to hold myself and wanted to still be in control of my reactions that only actually makes it worse. it is indeed psychological. and its funny that everything you see and do is all in the mind, and all about how you perceive things. the same way 'nobody can insult you, unless you allow them to'. so back to this ride, which was really nowhere close to being superscary as the other ones were (i was on it, only cause it was free:)... but still i dont know what it was that made me, for once, simply enjoy the ride. and i did. and it felt incredibly good. i even let my hands and feet go, wind blowing in my face and screaming out loud.. out of joy instead of fear. when i got to the festival, i wasnt in the best shape, mentally/emotionally and i needed a good distraction from just about everything. and learning that, that letting go and enjoying the ride couldnt have come at a better time. i cant control everything in my life, the thought still scares me but i guess i'm willing to give that a try.

lesson learnt: losing control isnt always a bad thing :)

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